When a parent first enrols their child in school, it usually comes from a place of intention and belief.  A belief in the importance of education, and a recognition that school is not just a legal requirement, but a vital part of their child’s future. But somewhere along the way, for some families, that sense of importance begins to slip. 

Often, it happens quietly. A day off here and there. An illness that’s hard to verify. No follow-up. No conversation with school. It doesn’t always come from a place of carelessness, sometimes it’s stress, exhaustion, or simply not knowing what to do when a child starts pushing back. But the result is the same: attendance begins to drop, and it rarely corrects itself on its own. 

What we see in schools is that this pattern, when left unchallenged, can become habitual. Children quickly learn what’s possible. If they stay home for vague reasons and no one questions it, that can become the norm. Over time, the line between being genuinely unwell and just not feeling up to school starts to blur. By the time they reach secondary school, many pupils are making their own decisions about attendance based on what they’ve learned is acceptable. If there’s no real resistance at home, and no strong message that school is non-negotiable, it becomes easy for them to opt out. 

This isn’t about blame. In fact, many parents are trying, they are noticing the signs, they’re worried, but they don’t always know how to intervene. Some feel powerless when their child refuses to go to school. Others worry that if they speak up, they’ll be judged, misunderstood, or seen as failing. So they stay quiet, and the silence grows. 

We have to ask ourselves: is this truly a lack of concern? Or is it something more complex. Parents who feel stuck, unsure, or shut out by their own child’s behaviour? When a young person won’t open up, and parents feel they’ve lost their influence, the result is often a quiet resignation. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. 

What makes the difference — what can make the difference, is trust. Every parent needs someone in school they can talk to without fear of blame or judgment. Someone who listens first and helps problem-solve second. Someone who understands that behind the missed days, there’s often a bigger story: anxiety, disengagement, communication breakdowns, or home challenges that haven’t yet been voiced. 

We need to keep reinforcing a simple truth: school matters. Not just for grades, but for connection, stability, and long-term wellbeing. Every missed day is a missed opportunity — to belong, to succeed, to feel part of something. And the longer a child is out of that routine, the harder it becomes to pull them back in. 

That’s why early conversations are so important, before habits form, before silence sets in. Because when attendance slips, it’s rarely just about that one day. It’s often the result of patterns that have taken root over time. And changing those patterns takes honesty, support, and a shared commitment between schools and families. So, let’s keep asking the real questions:
What’s really going on for this child?
Does this parent feel heard, or helpless?
What support do they need to feel back in control? 

And how can we, as a school community, show them that this isn’t about blame, it’s about working together? 

Because building trust with families doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, patience, and consistency. For some parents, especially those who feel judged or overwhelmed, it may take more than one conversation. It may take many. But every step toward connection is a step toward change. And it starts with us making space for that trust to grow.